What? What do you want from me?

Sometimes I feel like I have no choice. I am stuck by my own actions. I have no options. I have no freedom. Then, I am struck like a baseball to the forehead; you made the choices, you got yourself stuck. Just as quickly as I realize this I begin to get unstuck. None of this is anybodies fault but my own. My mistakes lead me to where I am and teach me to go somewhere different. Still I am stuck. Stuck to the side of the love of my life. Fighting for us to just make it. Fighting for him to see that his choices lead him into the life he lives. Make different choices get a different outcome. This isn't all about me this time. This is all about you. See it, feel it, fear it, then stand up and smack the piss out of it. Then, and only then, your life will change. Maybe it will get worse, but somehow I see that as improbable. It can only get better, don't you see. Of course you don't, that's why you blame me. That's why you blame us. That's why you can't move towards the future. Find your future for you, find it for only you. Then you will be happy and you will have no one to thank but yourself, just as you have no one to blame for your unhappiness but you.