Saturday, May 31, 2008


I'm gonna be here for you baby
I'll be a man of my word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I wanna honor your mother
I wanna learn from your pa
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw
I wanna stand out in a crowd for you
A man among men
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way
I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll win your trust making memories of us
This is one of my favorite Keith Urban songs. Maybe because there have been so many memories in the past few weeks, but I can't stop listening to this song. The words of this song make me smile.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued,
is always beyond our grasp,
but, if you will sit down quietly,
may alight upon you.
— Nathaniel Hawthorne

p.s. these photos belong to a woman whos blog that I have read for a long time and I am in no way trying to pretend that they are mine.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I love to travel, it's so exciting. However, I DO NOT love to pack. So, I've got my to do list and my packing list and my list of things to make sure I don't forget and the list of things for the dog that he needs to stay with my parents. Because I love a good list this is the easy part. Tonight starts the work of actually doing the things on the to do list and getting the stuff together to be packed and putting a bag together for Riley. ARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! I hate to pack, hate, hate, hate to pack. Okay, so I have nothing better to do tonight and it will keep me busy and then first part of my vacation is 4 days with Matthew so I guess that's not so bad. to finish my day at work (eek, must get finished patterning today!) and then head home to pack!

Monday, May 19, 2008


the things that I want have never been more or less clear. i'm not sure exactly how that is possible but it is true. try talking with someone about what we talk about, they think i'm nuts and sane all at the same time. i feel like a yo-yo that can't decide. bliss, on my mind and in my heart spreads across my face when you cross my thoughts. 100 miles a minute and i still can't keep up. like a paint swirl that just keeps going, getting more mixed up with every second. think less, let it go but that's hard for me and i don't want that to show.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

You Can Let Go Now

Wind blowin' on my face
Sidewalk flyin' beneath my bike
A five year-old's first taste
Of what freedom's really like
He was runnin' right beside me
His hand holdin' on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I'm ready
To do this on my own
It's still a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
I was standin' at the altar
Between the two loves of my life
To one I've been a daughter
To one I soon would be a wife
When the preacher asked,
'Who gives this woman?'
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears
He kept holdin' tightly to my arm
'Til I whispered in his ear
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I'm ready to do this on my own
It still feels a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
It was killin' me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin' away to nothin'
In that hospital room
'You know he's only hangin' on for you'
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin'
As I crawled up in his bed, and said
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It's gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go
Crystal Shawanda

Friday, May 16, 2008

I don't think I know anymore

Maybe, just this once I'll admit that life scares me sometimes. Not enough to hide from it, just enough for me to have a healthy fear of what I don't know. I looked because I was curious and wanted to know. The two programs sound similar but they use big words that I don't understand. If I had to guess you'll probably stay here which, I think might be better. After all, you worked all this out ahead of time and I trust that you found the best fit for you. The way you talk to me, amazes me on a daily basis. I don't feel freaked out and confused or that you'll poke fun at me. Now, for some research of my own. Where should I look? Where should I not look? Who has those answers?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

to plan

Some people are cut out to fly by the seat of their pants. They just drift along and take what comes to them. They are a unique lot because they can adapt very quickly, always managing to make the best of their circumstance if they are are going to be happy. Of course, there are those who float along but aren't really cut out for this type of life. These are people who take no responsibility in their lives and are perpetually blaming their strife and hardship on everyone around them. They never find true happiness and they will never understand why. I am neither of these kinds of people. I am the kind of person who needs a plan. I need direction in my life and I can never stand still for very long. The thing is though that I feel like I am bit of a mixture of sorts. I love to have a plan and a map but I am eager to detour and find what is off the beaten path. I feel a little bit like I'm talking in a circle here. The fact is, in Feb. I rewrote my 5 year plan to actually be six years and I would end with my PhD. Now, I'm not sure exactly how to work it all out again. Because gallivanting off to LA for the next 5 years is looking more and more like a plan I'm not ready to follow through on. Yes, I'm ready to go back to get my masters, yes I want to go up to LSU, yes I'm eager to sink my soul into learning again. I just don't know if I'm ready to go for five years. There is so much going on in my brain today. All I have left to do is chat it all out and see where the cards lay.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


sometimes i wonder what my life looks like from an outside perspective. i feel busy but when i look at the big picture i'm really doing a lot less these days. i'm excited about the future and the cool things that are setting up right now, but i wonder if someone on the outside of my life would just see history repeating. is it really different this time, or did i just make that up?

yet to be determined

Poised to write a story
Full of faith and trust
Make believe and pixie dust
Ready to jump head first
Into unknown depths
Hold my hand and make it true
Breathe with me and jump on through
A dream to good to miss
Has happened right before me
New and exciting
The chance to start fresh
To have the ending
I thought I could only read