Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dusty pile of pieces

glue me together please
for I know not how much longer
I can stand the anguish
of being broken

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

What If You

What if you
Could wish me away
What if you
Spoke those words today
I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn
But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you
But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do
What if you
Could hear this song
What if I
Felt like I belong
I might not be leaving
Oh so soon
Began the night believing
I loved you in the moonlight
So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you
But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do
I could've treated you better
Better than this
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter
Can't stay in one place
So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you
But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

Monday, January 28, 2008

It feels good...

..to laugh again. I feel like I have a genuine smile on my face today. I'm getting all of my meanness out because on the first of February I have to not be mean anymore. Okay, so I'm not really that mean to begin with but I'll give it more of a concerted effort in the future. I feel so good. Every day is getting better. I'm so proud of myself for accomplishing so much this weekend. Tonight I'm going to clean my office and maybe move some things around. I can't wait to have a brand new work space. It is so exciting. I still have to go through the boxes my parents brought to my house after Christmas. I'll get through them, they just are sitting in the spare room right now. Well, I'm back to lab class for the afternoon, off to a meeting and then home to clean up. Yippee!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

How Things Change

I feel a bit like a slacker. I have a four page to do list. The whole list is things that need to be cleaned, organized, moved or otherwise rearranged. I look at my house and I try to figure out how to make it different. How to change it so that it doesn't feel the same. My guest room is looking more like a bowling room everyday. I want to move the furniture in my bedroom around. I think it may be to heavy for me to do it alone though. I'll give it a try. I want to complete deep clean my house to get out the last bits of the reminders of him. Remove the pictures, put them away. I look at them and my heart hurts. I cry and I wonder when it will get better. At school things are good. I make it through the day without the tears, then I come home and the dog distracts me but if I catch a glimpse of him...it's all over. I can't believe how much my life has changed in the last few weeks. I am proud of myself. I know that the next months will be hard. I look forward to the project at work and taking more photos to post here. My boss makes me feel like a complete slacker sometimes with her crafty blog that she keeps track of. Grrr..for people that keep track of there craftiness.

At any rate I must return home and get back to work on my house. I will get my list done. I will not get it done today and for the first time in a long time I'm okay with that.

"Life is a chance to grow a soul"
A. Powell Davies

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Desire to write

I want to write about all that has been going on. I just haven't figured out exactly what I want to say. So much has changed in the past couplke of weeks that I feel a little bit overwhelmed. I really want to say thank you to my friends and family. You all have been amazing and I can't thank you enough. My folks have been amazing, letting me bring Riley to there house and supporting me through all of this. When I make a mess, boy do I make a big one and they have been great about helping figure out where to go from here. I look forward to things getting much better from here on out.

Soon I hope to have photos of my mystery quilt that I have been working on. And a new bag that I already had all the stuff to make.

I look forward to my new year starting over on the fisrt of February. I have made new new years resolutions and intend to completely ignore this month for the rest of the year. So, here's to starting over, starting fresh and moving in a new direction.

Monday, January 14, 2008

???

I don't know where to go from here. I just keep telling myself to breathe. If I can get my lungs to work, it will all be okay. I will make it through this. All the advice I gave my sister is going to come in handy over the next period of time. I'm going to be okay with this. Just breathe!

“A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.”

“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

New Year

Aghhhh...

that's all I've got to say