Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Tink...oh to be Tink

There is something so comforting in the world of neverland. Tink and her fairy friends are so wonderful. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed their story until I had the chance to share it with someone. Now I must seek out the new book, so that I can continue the story with her.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Near to You

he and I had something beautiful
but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
‘cause I knew he'd never love me back
such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
still a little bit delirious
near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you.
you and I have something different
and I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred,
but I am working oh so hard
to get back to who I used to be
he's disappearing, fading steadily
well, I'm so close to being yours,
won’t you stay with me, please
near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it’s hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you
I only know that
I am better where you are
I only know that
I am better where you are
I only know that I belong
where you are
near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it’s hard to move on
yet, I'm better near to you
I am so inlove with this girl. A Fine Frenzy is her name, well actually her name is Allison. Her CD is One Cell in the Sea. I love her music, it speaks to me the way music usually doesn't.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

In the words of Taylor Swift

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, im just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do
I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

P.S. Does anyone happen to be laying on 40,000 dollars I could have? Just putting that out there. Thinking about how to pay for my next couple years of school and that would make it SO much easier. So, if you wanna help a girl out, I'd love it.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


waffles for better way to start the day. homemade waffles at that! yummy yummy yummy. Off to fix up al the stuff from last night. Yippeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

A good day

Today, it's going to be alright
becuase I said so!
In the past four days I have trudged through a range of emotions. I know that the light at the end of the tunnel is only getting brighter everyday. I am so thankful for everyone that has been there to listen to me whine about all of this. So thankful.
Today, I break out the sappy love songs and the break-up songs that are about resolutions and moving on. I think I'm back to my old self. Still healing but it's getting better and I'm looking forward to the future.
Over the weekend I wrote a journal entry about different kinds of breakups. Someone was asking me how I had managed to move on so quickly. What I need people to understand is that I'm okay. I really feel like I had already resolved that it was over. It was finished, I was hanging on to something that was dead. I knew it was over but I couldn't admit it. Once I did I really felt relieved. I was happier that first week than I had been in months even with the saddness of losing my friend and my companion. He wasn't the same any more, he was someone I didn't know, and not the person that I loved anymore. This kind of breakup is so different than one that you haven't been expecting. I had already hurt through all of this, I was already healing, then by breaking it off I broke open my wound again. So, I'm okay...even if my entries have been emo. I think that I write more about the sad things because it's easier to write about than talk about it. The good things I can talk about, I can tell people about them and I don't feel strange. So, from here on out I will do my best to be more optimistic. Because's not that bad.
P.S. Mom, I'm okay. Thanks for being supportive and a bit worried. I'm just emo in my blog, I am not depressed. I love you!

Thursday, February 7, 2008


complicated doesn't even touch it
fear runs over my strength
the whole world fades away
all I see is the past
playing before my eyes
overwhelmed and underestimated
and all I can say is
it hurts
I feel naked in front of everyone
raw and unavailable
still healing
still scabbing
still bleeding
sure that this scar will be ugly for a LONG tim
complicated doesn't even touch it