Friday, November 30, 2007

A mixed up gift

I'm dreaming of
Suzy Snowflake
Tap tap tapping on my
winter wonderland
please have snow and mistletoe
casue, Santa Claus is coming to town

He He He...I love Christmas music. Even when it is all jumbled up!

I'm so proud I did every lick of laundry in my house last night, so now I just have some cleaning to do and then I'll be all set for the holidays! How exciting!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

A Second Job

Applying for a second job tonight. It sounds like fun. I always wanted to be one of the people who gave out samples. Sounds like it's going to be a good time. Now I just have to find my social security card. clue where that is

It hurts

dull and pulsing
where there should be joy
how do we fix it
is there a way
it hurts
and I don't know what to do

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

People and Babies

People and Babies are a funny thing to put together. Maybe becuase they are the same but they seem different. Everytime I look around I see someone else that I knew earlier in my life that is having a baby or trying to have a baby. Things are hectic in my life right now and it will be another nearly two years before I am married. So why is that people having babies makes me so jealous? I know that a baby would be the worng way to right now, but knowing that doesn't stop the ache in my chest when I find out one more person I know is having a baby. If this is some sort of message from a higher power I need her to knwo that I'm not going to listen. There will be no babies in my near future. There is a wedding to plan, graduate school and a better job before having a baby. I'm doing a whole lot to not have babies. So please, let that ache just go away, let me be happy for people who are happily bringing wonderful children into loving homes!

Monday, November 19, 2007

a fog has settled
dreams faded
tomorrow brings hope
today unrest,
easily disturbed
pushing, swaying,
nearly breaking
sweat glistens on my palms
nerves of steel
when do I know-
to say no

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Admit Defeat

Step one...admit that I was wrong. I was wrong, I was angry, hurt, and in over my head. Now if it was only as simple as admitting fault. Somehow I think that there is far more that is going to have to happen before things even start to get back to normal. Maybe they never will, that wouldn't be so bad actually. Maybe we can define a new normal. That would be excellent.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Enough is Enough

Today was enough to push me to the edge. I've got to get it all figured out, written down on paper and then fix this. I can't feel this way anymore. I won't feel this way anymore.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

It's All About Attitude

The remarkable thing we have is a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
Charles Swindoll
I'm learning
to let it go
drift away
see a new day
chances for life
blissful awareness
I make it okay
cry the tears
yell my fears
learn to lean
A bright new day
a daunting task still left
its time
to change courses
Pamela Joyce

Monday, November 5, 2007

Here We Go Again

Well it's Monday. With Monday comes a fresh work week to make a fresh start. It;s not getting off to a very good one that's for sure. Ahh well what can I say, more of the same on a different day. This too shall pass, I'm just not very good at waiting for it to move through.

On a brighter note, I have permission to go SETC. Yay! So, got to get that stuff together. The dance show will be over soon. That's all I can say and I look forward to my job getting back to a point where I don't hate it anymore!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Frustrations are Mounting

Okay, so I'll face the facts. I'm mad, I'm really mad. I hate my job right now becuase I feel like there is no communication and I feel like no one even cares. Nothing is getting done, but we have a show coming with only a week worth of working days left. I'm pissed. I feel like doing nothing and at the same time I am frantic to just get it done. I hate feeling like I don't want to come to work. Ben and I just got back toa good place after me having to be here for a whole week with the musical and it's not looking good for this show coming up. I'll probably end up having to be here late every night next week and I'm not looking forward to it. I feel like this all could have been avoided. I don't know, maybe I have no right to be mad. That doesn't discount the way that I feel though.
I haven't been feeling very good all week. Today seems like the worst day of them all, my throat hurts and I have a headache. I know it's going to get worse but I can't skip work tomorrow becuase I have a shit pile of stuff to do by myself! Hopefully I can just chill over the weekend, maybe I can rest up and get to feeling better. Maybe not. I'm not doing anything on Saturday and I'm leaving work early today.

Got to go at least get started on my list of things to get done. God, I hate my job right now. Hate it!