to think

this is my place to think out loud...I just htought I would preface that before writing this stuff down.

I noticed today that you changed your profile status on myspace. I don't recall having a conversation with you about said status. More over I don't know how to tell you that I'm not ready. I don't even know you! Oh, and if your status has nothing to do with me...I am throughly confused. I am not about to go on a date with someone who is of your status if you aren't talking about me. So, this is vague and maybe there are no names and maybe you won't get it but if you do...please don't make you me tell you that I'm not your girlfriend and that I didn't plan on that sort of thing until I at least got to know you a little better. I like you, I do but I'm not ready for that sort of commitment. I want to not go there for awhile. I'm sorry if you feel like I lead you on in some way.

strange

it feels strange to talk to you
like I'm breaking all the rules
you'll never convince me
that you don't care
that you were worried about me
I think you were scared of your own
breaking and falling to pieces
but you gave up
and now you'll never know
what could have been
and yet...somehow
after all that we went through
not that it was tough
or even big stuff
it feels strange to talk to you

holy cow it's april

The world is moving to fast for me. The days blur into weeks that blur into months and before you can blink it's the first of April and I haven't even had time to breathe. Spring break was wonderful to say the least. I relaxed and had a good time and I cleaned my house and managed to make my office function rather than be a dumping ground for all the stuff in my life. I visited LSU and fell in love. Now I just have to figure out how I am going to afford to go. It's funny to think that I'm okay with completely uprooting my life again. I am happy here, I am settled and I like it but for some reason I crave more. I miss going to school. I miss that sort of interface. I am not complete sure how this whole situation is going to work out. I have met so many people in the past couple of months and have made new friends and now I have to be okay with just leaving that all behind. I suppose that if they are really my friends then it will all be okay. I'm looking forward to what life is throwing at me. Sometime you have to duck and sometimes you have to stand up and catch the ball. We'll see what happens.

smile, because the whole world is watching

hide your heart

hold on tight

dance with your arms wide open

sing, even if you are out of tune

play the game

hold your head up high

smile, because the whole world it waiting

for you to fail

Spring Break

The Crocodile

Pirates and Princess Party

3-14-08

Home for the holiday...well at least part of it. It feels good to take a break but I have a lot to do this week, including preparing for my school visit next week. So, my life is hectic at the moment but its the kind of hectic where I could lay around all day today and not feel bad about it. So much is going on, yet I still feel in control. I am so excited about going to visit LSU and that is going to make it much easier to get things together.

Monday is a day at Disney. I am so super excited!

A Stronger Woman

I guess you could say
I’m one of those girls
that's always been with one of those guys
you know the type
like right now
he sleeps while I write
but it’s better than crying
I'm worn out from trying
from loving a man who always makes it clear
I am not welcome here
just when he's hungry or frisky or needs something clean
you know what I mean
but not tonight
cause come the morning light
I’m gonna love myself
more than anyone else
believe in me
even if someone can’t see
a stronger woman in me
I’m gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
won’t lose myself again
never, no
cause theres a stronger woman
a stronger woman in me
light bulbs buzz I get up
and head to my drawer
wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey
I’ve lived on hope
like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings
well from now on I am gonna be
the kind of woman I want my daughter to be
I’m gonna love myself
more than anyone else
believe in me
even if someone can’t see
a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
won’t lose myself again
never, no
cause there’s a stronger woman, a stronger woman
this is me packing up my bags
this is me headed for the door
this is me the best you ever had
I’m gonna love myself
more than anyone else
believe in me, even if someone can’t see
the stonger woman in me
I’m gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
won’t lose myself again
no, no
cause there’s a stronger woman, stronger woman
theres a steronger woman, a stronger woman in me
a stronger woman in me

So..the thing is...

A complicated conversation went down last night. The worst part is that I don't really know how I feel about it all. I can't help but feel distant and confused because it seems that I am lacking something that is needed. For now, I will play it by ear. I've got a busy week coming up. bowling tomorrow, party on Thursday, rehearsal on Friday, and the wedding on Saturday. Whew..I can't think about all of this and still get through the week. So, I vow to let it go today and pick it up some other day when I feel like I can figure out what the hell happened last night.

hmmm

I never realized that I could be so happy and so sad at the same time. Interesting how life can throw a curve ball at you and you never see it coming.