Surprise

You know that thing about not liking surprises. Well now you know that the reason I hate them so much is because they make me feel like poo before. I really thought that you had forgotten me. That I was just out of sight out of mind. That I haven't asked you to come visit because I know that you have been busy. That I've spent EVERY weekend for the past two months in Apopka, even though I have tons to do at my house to get ready to move, because I didn't have the heart to ask you to come visit me because I was trying to make things easier. To hear that you had an entire day off that you filled with plans without even asking about me really hurt. More than I could ever explain to you. I tried really hard not to be upset. I know that you have family and friends who need to spend time with you. I know that they don't see you very often because of work and school. I was really trying to be understanding, to quell the outrageous feeling of loneliness. I just needed to not talk to you because the more I did the harder it was and the more upset I got. It's hard to feel forgotten.

When you woke me up, I didn't want to hear that you were coming here. I was sure that my attitude had made you change your mind and I didn't want to be your second thought. More than that I didn't want to have an attitude, or to be upset at all.

So, your coming. SURPRISE!!!! So why do I still feel like poo?