Scared...or just plain crazy

Sometimes things in my mind get really out of control. If you know me, you know this means being either really grumpy and vocal about it or really closed off and quite about it. Neither of those options is particularly good for anyone but that's just how it is.

Lately, I feel really overwhelmed. Things are at a really good place right now. I shouldn't feel overwhelmed. Nearly everything is perfect. The job is good, great really. I'm healthy, I'm loved, everyone I know is doing okay. So, why am I overwhelmed...

I finally got the courage to send in my application for grad school. They sent me back a few emails and I am officially in their system and that's pretty darn cool. I've been having terrible mixed feelings about this whole thing. In Feb. I was bored, and mad and tired of being talked to like I was dirt on the floor by certain people. School seemed like an AWESOME idea. Then...things got really good here. I pulled out of the funk that I was in and the proverbial sun came out.

Now, I think back to how hard it was to move away from my family the first time. I just talked my sister through this mess in August. I don't want to admit that I'm not strong enough to do it again so I keep hoping that as it comes closer I feel better about it. I promised myself that I would do everything I can to make it to grad school. But, if I wasn't excited when I started to hear back that it wasn't the right place for me. I can't tell you how excited I was when I opened my email and had received the info back from LSU. I guess for now we'll go with it's still what I want to do.

Things are changing here...FAST. Some cool things are happening at work. Going to school now is a good thing, probably the best thing that I can do for myself. Hopefully...maybe...crossing my fingers I'll be able to come back here.

I find this whole circle of events funny. I wanted so badly to leave after high school. It was hard but I made it and made lifelong friendships in the process. Then, I wanted so badly not to come back. Now I'm back and even though I'll have to leave for a bit I'm sort of excited at the prospect of being able to come back.

So much going on, so much to think about. I'm glad that I've been given the gift of being able to multi-task.

Pamela Joyce