A mixed up gift

I'm dreaming of
Suzy Snowflake
Tap tap tapping on my
winter wonderland
please have snow and mistletoe
casue, Santa Claus is coming to town


He He He...I love Christmas music. Even when it is all jumbled up!


I'm so proud I did every lick of laundry in my house last night, so now I just have some cleaning to do and then I'll be all set for the holidays! How exciting!

A Second Job

Applying for a second job tonight. It sounds like fun. I always wanted to be one of the people who gave out samples. Sounds like it's going to be a good time. Now I just have to find my social security card. EEEk....no clue where that is

It hurts

ache
dull and pulsing
where there should be joy
breaking
how do we fix it
is there a way
ache
it hurts
and I don't know what to do

People and Babies

People and Babies are a funny thing to put together. Maybe becuase they are the same but they seem different. Everytime I look around I see someone else that I knew earlier in my life that is having a baby or trying to have a baby. Things are hectic in my life right now and it will be another nearly two years before I am married. So why is that people having babies makes me so jealous? I know that a baby would be the worng way to right now, but knowing that doesn't stop the ache in my chest when I find out one more person I know is having a baby. If this is some sort of message from a higher power I need her to knwo that I'm not going to listen. There will be no babies in my near future. There is a wedding to plan, graduate school and a better job before having a baby. I'm doing a whole lot to not have babies. So please, let that ache just go away, let me be happy for people who are happily bringing wonderful children into loving homes!

a fog has settled
dreams faded
tomorrow brings hope
today unrest,
easily disturbed
pushing, swaying,
nearly breaking
sweat glistens on my palms
nerves of steel
melt
when do I know-
to say no

Admit Defeat

Step one...admit that I was wrong. I was wrong, I was angry, hurt, and in over my head. Now if it was only as simple as admitting fault. Somehow I think that there is far more that is going to have to happen before things even start to get back to normal. Maybe they never will, that wouldn't be so bad actually. Maybe we can define a new normal. That would be excellent.

Enough is Enough

Today was enough to push me to the edge. I've got to get it all figured out, written down on paper and then fix this. I can't feel this way anymore. I won't feel this way anymore.